

“A solo adventure changed my life”
A chance encounter on a Malaysian beach prompted writer Lara Kilner to quit her job, pack her bag, and set off for the solo trip of a lifetime
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It’s fair to say there were mixed reactions to news that I was quitting my really-quite-great job on a magazine, renting out my apartment, and following my heart and soul to travel solo 6,500 miles across the world on a leap of faith. It was 2010, I was in my mid-30s, and my mother couldn’t understand it at all. Some friends said, “Life’s too short, carpe diem!”—which was encouraging. Others thought it was an early midlife crisis… which was less so.
But I saw their point. This was an adventure prompted by the fact that six months earlier, I’d met a man at a New Year’s party while on vacation in Malaysia. It was the happiest two weeks of my life, before or since.

When I got home, everyone told me it could never last, and the reasons were as lengthy as the long-haul flight to Kuala Lumpur. It wasn’t only the distance: He was Malaysian, and lived on a beach where he ran a shambolic backpacker café and spent his days fishing and lying about in hammocks. Meanwhile I went to celebrity parties and photo shoots and interviewed famous people he’d never heard of for a living. Oh, and I was 34, while he was only 25—surely just waiting for the next backpacker girl to come into town.
Yet, here I was, six months and 6,000 Facebook messenger chats later, packing up my life into a backpack—because, if I didn’t go back, I would never know.
I was filled with trepidation about traveling solo, particularly thanks to my loved ones’ negativity, but it also felt absolutely right. My life was at a crossroads, and I needed to shake things up. I wanted a family, but I wasn’t meeting anyone in pre-Tinder London and, if it didn’t work out, it was still everything ventured and everything gained: I’d travel the world, have adventures and meet new people.
I made a plan. I would go to Malaysia for three weeks and then, whether the romance worked out or didn’t, I could go off on my own to explore Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos and Thailand, booking a trip with other solo travelers. But it did work out—despite everything. We had a special few weeks: We spent time together on Pangkor, his island, and traveled to Penang, to Malacca, to Singapore. It was intense and incredibly exciting.


And then I left him, for two months, feeling slightly daunted by solo days in Bangkok and by meeting a group of fellow travelers with whom I would be sitting on buses and sharing rooms for the next 50 days. In reality, it was all kinds of wonderful. The shared experiences of watching the sun rise over Angkor Wat, tubing down rivers in Vang Vieng and kayaking around Halong Bay bonds strangers as closely as lifelong friends. And then I went back to Malaysia, to my boyfriend, as he was for only the briefest of times—because, six months later, he was my husband.
5 tips for first-time solo travelers
Ease yourself in
Start small: A weekend city break offers plenty of options for joining walking tours or a bar crawl if the mood strikes you. Fitness vacations—from yoga to cycling—are a favorite of solo travelers, and allow you to enjoy a new spot in the company of others. But don’t be afraid to dream big: The classic backpacking destinations, such as Southeast Asia, are a well-worn path for solo adventurers, with ample opportunities for making friends. Chat on the bus to the temple, and you may end up clinking glasses over beers that evening.
Choose your hotel wisely
For those happiest in their own company, a bigger hotel with a bar may be the right answer: You get anonymity and the buzz of being around people. If you want the opposite, seek out a live-work hotel with vibey communal spaces and activities: The lively Mama Shelter chain, for instance, has locations around the world, from Rome to Rio.
Dine well
For many solo travelers, eating out is the biggest hurdle. Prioritizing lunch over dinner is often a budget-friendly strategy, and also works for those who are wary of being out alone after dark. Take more books than you think you’ll need, or download a show to watch with headphones on—no judgment. Opt for a seat at the bar so you’re not facing an empty chair. And remember: In many cities, such as New York, dining alone is a part of the culture. And think beyond formal restaurants: Food can be a fascinating way to get to know a location. Join a tour of local markets, or explore street food vendors, sampling a taste at each stand.
Safety 101
If security is on your mind, ask for a room on an upper floor, and one that’s not at the end of a corridor. Avoid the last flight of the day. And make the most of daylight: Starting your day with a pre-breakfast run around the neighborhood is a fast way to orient yourself.
Prioritize yourself
One of the greatest joys of traveling alone is that the only person you have to please is yourself. Book back-to-back gallery tours if that’s your thing; spend an entire day reading trashy novels by the pool; see a different band every night of your stay; or embrace your inner introvert, order a room-service burger, and make the most of that hotel bathrobe.
I’d continued to travel, this time with him in tow—alternately exploring and working through Australia and New Zealand. It was a whirlwind. One day, in the incongruent surroundings of a backpacker hostel filled with young partying Germans, I discovered I was pregnant. It was a happy accident that we were both thrilled and terrified about: not because it had all happened so fast, but because, culturally, this presented a problem. He was Muslim, and his family—who I hadn’t yet met—would never accept me, or this, if we weren’t married.
And so, we found a mosque and a register office and, one day, after an early shift on the front line of kiwi picking, we did it. We then flew back to Malaysia. I met his parents, who don’t speak English (which has pros and cons, in-law wise), and are traditional and religious, but who embraced this orang puteh (outsider, white person, Westerner…) nonetheless.


We had a wedding at his family home and it was one heck of a culture shock. There were a thousand people there—literally. Everyone in the town came along (though they mostly swung by for 20 minutes, ate rice and curry and left), and everyone stared and whispered and took surreptitious photos of the blonde woman. We even sat on thrones for a photo shoot I’ve never shown a soul.
Soon after, me and my six-month baby bump returned home. My husband arrived a week before our son was born, both our lives changed forever by the joy of travel. We now have a nine-year-old daughter too, and a cat, a house by the sea and 13 years of family life together. Most years, we go back to Pangkor island, where it all began, and it feels like the end of a rom com as we watch our kids frolic on our special beach. And we smile, as we remember how they said it would never last.

Lara Kilner
Writer
Lara Kilner is a lifestyle journalist who has contributed to The Times, The Telegraph, and more. She has traveled extensively through five continents, but her most memorable trip was the one on which she met her Malaysian husband.

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