If you’re looking for a hotel stay that feels like a cross between a haunted house and a bad sitcom, this is your place! Let me break it down:
• The shower did its best impression of a reluctant intern—just a hint of warmth before retreating back into icy indifference.
• The hotel photos online? Works of fiction. If this place had a modeling profile, it would be charged with catfishing.
• The towels looked like they’d survived several battles and lost every single one.
• The whole room smelled faintly of smoke—as though the Marlboro Man had retired here.
• There were holes in the ceiling that made me wonder if a raccoon was about to join me for Netflix.
• The drain carried the distinct aroma of something that had died, been resurrected, and then died again.
• The remote, refrigerator, and doors were accessorized with mysterious sticky substances—perfect for anyone who enjoys guessing games titled “What Was Spilled Here?”
• The AC had a clunking sound that suggested it was communicating in Morse code. Unfortunately, it was drowned out by the upstairs resident child training for the 100-meter dash at 3 a.m.
Overall, this hotel offered me an experience I’ll never forget (despite desperately wanting to). If you’re into creepy vibes, questionable hygiene, and a soundtrack of industrial noises mixed with toddler parkour, this is a 5-star adventure. If you’re into comfort and sleep… well, bring a tent.