Corcoran Vacations from $397

I was required to pay the room online but the $50 deposit had to be in cash. I was not informed of this when I got the hotel. I used the hotels ATM which charged me $3.99 for the withdrawal before it spit out $20 and then told me it was out of service. So off I went to find an available ATM at 9:00 p.m. on a Sunday in a town that pretty much locks everything down when the sun sets. I return to Hacienda Hell and the receptionist deigns to find me worthy of her time for the second time tonight (which is apparently three times too many) and checks me in. (The sketch room on the corner near the garbage cans and the blinky parking lot light, I assume to make desposal of my body easier for whomever kills me in the middle of the night). Then I somehow lost the key she gave me somewhere between the office and my car. Looked for like 10 min but couldn't find it. Asked for another and she said she can't do that. Looked for another 30 min (thoroughly searched front of car as well) before she relented and graciously made me a new key. (Might have been because I may have attracted the attention of Meth Man and she was feeling sorry for me? Also might have been because if I die outside the room she would have to clean it up instead of the maids). The bathroom came with a free pet cockroach which I have named Larry. I do not hold that against them as this is central California and almost every bathroom comes with a free pet cockroach.

Room was pretty outdated, could have been cleaner, had bugs in bathtub and corners of bathroom ceiling. Wall and bathroom ceiling had been repaired but not repainted. Lighting wasn't very good.

Nice big king room with refrigerator and microwave. Clean and well maintained. Parking in front of unit. The grounds are park like with a pool. Easy access to market and restaurants.